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Team USA's Ryder Cup captain Keegan Bradley fears he will never mentally recover from his team's humbling defeat in September.
Bradley has had almost a month to process the sobering loss suffered in front of Donald Trump on home turf but is still finding the emotions 'brutal'.
Team Europe overcame a churlish crowd to conquer their rivals 15-13, but it only ended that close after the hosts mounted an extraordinary comeback on the final day.
For the first two days, Europe were the dominant team and they clinched the first away win by either team since their 'Miracle at Medinah' in 2012.
Bradley has shouldered criticism over his pairing selections, his set-up of the course, and even his call to leave himself out of the team, having previously suggested he may play.
He admitted: 'Since Bethpage, this has been one of the toughest times in my life.
Team USA's Ryder Cup captain says he might never get over losing at Bethpage Black
Keegan Bradley says it has been 'one of the toughest times' of his life processing the defeat
Team Europe won 15-13 to claim a first away victory since the 'Miracle at Medinah' in 2012
'You win, it's glory for a lifetime - but I didn't and I'm going to have to sit with this for the rest of my life. There's no part of me that thinks I'll ever get over this.
'I really would enjoy playing in one more. I don’t know if I’ll get the chance,' said the 39-year-old.
'This f****** event has been so brutal to me. I'll forever wonder and wish. I don’t know if I want to play. No, I do.
'It’s such a weird thing to love something so much that just doesn’t give you anything.'
The humiliation of defeat at Bethpage Black was heightened by the fact that away victories are so rare in the Ryder Cup.
Since Team Europe joined the Ryder Cup in 1979, there have only been seven away victories out of 23 competitions - five for the Europeans and two for the USA.
Europe played some dazzling golf and took a mammoth 11.5-4.5 lead into the final day, surpassing the previous record margin of 11-5 in 2004.
Team USA then performed superbly on the final day to take a possible 8.5 points out of a possible 12 from the singles, but it was too little, too late.
Bradley holds on to his emotions for a long time. In 2023, he revealed he still hadn't unpacked his suitcase since being on the wrong side of the 'Miracle at Medinah' 11 years before.
'I promised myself I wouldn't open it till I won a Ryder Cup,' he said. He has now been involved three times as a player or captain and lost on all three occasions.
