13 hours ago
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Performance has taken on a whole new meaning for Old Firm old boys Charlie Miller and Simon Donnelly now they’ve joined the acting fraternity.
‘In our playing days we didn’t blink about playing in front of 50 or 60,000 crowds,’ says former Celtic striker Donnelly.
Ex-Rangers midfielder Miller is laughing as he completes Donnelly’s sentence. ‘Now we’re well out of our comfort zone and getting nervous about doing our stuff for an audience of 500 or so.’
The pair of them have joined the stage production of Singin’ I’m No A Billy He’s A Tim, which is celebrating its 20th anniversary. In the play, two football fans are locked up in a prison cell on the day of an Old Firm match. One’s a Rangers fan, the other’s a Celtic supporter, and both have placed bets, which — depending on the result of the game — could get their fines paid and see them released from jail.
It was actor and theatre director Scott Kyle who wanted to give the popular play a new dimension and get Miller and Donnelly involved.
Miller says: ‘I’ve known Scott for about 10 years. He was in the film The Angels’ Share and I had a wee part in it, too. He gave me a call while Simon and I were doing a coaching course for kids in Turriff. We thought he was having a laugh.
Miller (left) and Donnelly now star in the stage production Singin' I'm No A Billy He's A Tim
The pair have been joined in the cast Daily Mail Sport's Rob Maclean on commentary duty
Rangers go into the derby on the back of a 6-0 defeat in Belgium to Club Brugge
‘When we realised he was serious, he said he wanted to freshen up the play and have us appearing as pundits. Our first performance — I can’t believe I’m even using that word — was in a hotel in Bishopton and we thought a question-and-answer session was all we were doing.’
Simon chips in: ‘It was only when we got there that we were told we had a couple of lines to deliver as part of the play. That’s when the nerves kicked in, when we realised it was our theatrical debut.
‘I don’t think we’d have won any awards for our performances but we must have done well enough for Scott to think this was a happening thing.’
Frighteningly, what happened next was the drafting in, alongside Donnelly and Miller, of a commentary team. That was myself and former Sky Sports presenter David Tanner. The two jailed fans had been trying to watch the match on a prison TV through the hatch in the cell door. Now the Old Firm coverage was part of the play.
Miller tries to put on his serious face. ‘I know you’re going to find this hard to believe,’ he adds, ‘but having you guys alongside made us a bit more relaxed. To start with, we were just staring at the script but, after a while, when you started throwing adlib lines at us, we began to have a laugh with it and the audience really responded.’
Donnelly says: ‘It was already a great play with loads of laughs and a strong message but I think the commentary stuff puts some meat on the bones.
‘It’s a bit surreal to be talking about our tour dates. We’ve done the Glasgow Pavilion, the Gaiety Theatre in Ayr, five nights at the Fringe in Edinburgh this last month and we’re back to the Pavilion for three more shows in October.’
The anti-sectarian theme of the play has a real relevance for the two former footballers who’ve known each other for more than 30 years since playing as teenagers in the same Glasgow Schools team and going on to feature together for the Scotland Under-21 squad which reached the European Championship semi-finals in 1996.
McGregor and Co missed out on the Champions League after a penalty defeat to Kairat Almaty
‘At one point,’ says Miller, ‘when we were young players at Rangers and Celtic, we did a newspaper column together. That was until Walter (Smith) took it off me because he found out I’d been in a fight in a pub and he got (Derek) McInnes to do it instead.’
Donnelly adds: ‘You’re right though, the message in the play has a huge relevance for us. We were pals, we were on a similar path towards professional football and the only difference was the rival teams we ended up playing for.
‘And then, later on, we were both coaching youngsters and we decided to get together and do a week, the two of us, in Coatbridge. We ended up doing it together for four or five years.
‘Parents used to ask us if it was ok for their kids to wear their blue or green colours. It was crazy they were even asking. Of course they should support their team but for us it was all about bringing them together, having fun and enjoying their football whatever colours they were wearing.
‘The play is saying the same sort of things about bigotry and how ridiculous it is.’
The script for the play is constantly being updated with topical references. Today’s first Old Firm meeting of the season will undoubtedly provide new material after a week of European drama in which both Celtic and Rangers failed to make it to the Champions League.
Miller, who had an unbeaten record in 12 Old Firm outings, says: ‘It was farcical. I thought Rangers could get a big lift when Celtic blew it in Kazakhstan on Tuesday night. But losing 6-0 to Club Brugge on Wednesday was just embarrassing. And it could have been worse than 9-1 on aggregate. They capitulated.
‘Russell Martin has to find another way of playing. Sometimes you just have to make yourselves hard to beat. Rangers were the complete opposite. I couldn’t understand why (James) Tavernier and (Nico) Raskin weren’t starting.
‘I’d like the manager to get more time but three wins out of 10 games so far is obviously not good enough. With such a big game coming up, I feel as if he’s teetering on the brink.
‘I want to mention (sporting director) Kevin Thelwell, though. The recruitment’s been awful. Ten average players brought in with maybe only (Djeidi) Gassama an exception. And Lyall Cameron, but he was signed last January. It’s a struggle to watch at the moment.’
Donnelly is struggling to keep a smile off his face. ‘I thought I was the miserable one after what I had to watch on Tuesday night but I think Charlie’s suffering even more than me now.
‘Not making it to the Champions League is a big blow to Celtic in all sorts of ways and there’s lots of grumbling going on, not surprisingly, about the lack of transfer activity before the two games that decided whether they were going to qualify or not.
‘The anger has being directed across the board, if you pardon the expression. The board itself is getting it but Brendan (Rodgers) and the players are in the line of fire as well.
Donnelly played a key role in denying Rangers 10 in a row in the 1997-98 season
Charlie Miller played for Rangers for six years and was unbeaten in 12 games against Celtic
‘I thought the team in both legs was flat and that seems a strange thing to say at this stage of the season. It’s more a mental thing than physical. But, in my personal experience, the players who are already there get a lift from three or four new signings coming in. I used to feel that. It kept you on your toes.
‘The current team needs freshened. Think of the players who haven’t been replaced. Kyogo (Furuhashi) left in January, (Nicolas) Kuhn was sold in the summer and Jota is long-term injured.
‘This week’s been a huge disappointment. The lack of quality showed even against average opposition.
‘I thought Celtic were in a pretty bad place on the back of the Almaty trip but they’ve had a day extra to recover and Rangers are in a serious mess after what they’ve been through.
‘This Old Firm match at Ibrox was always going to be difficult to predict. Even more so now with both teams in a bit of a mess.’
‘A bit of mess?’ pipes up Miller. ‘We’re all over the place and who knows what will happen? Most of the fans didn’t want Martin to start with and he’s not going to get much more time. My worry is fans will stop turning up if they lose to Celtic on top of everything else.’
Sympathetic Donnelly puts a consoling hand on Miller’s shoulder. ‘Every cloud has a silver lining, Charles. Think of the new material this game will give us to put into the play now that acting’s our new thing!’
